Volatility
by Lanie McCoy
Summary: Death is a funny thing, isn't it? It always has the last laugh. There are some truths that we just wish we could change, but…we can't.


**Disclaimer: …bleh.**

I should be working on other things, but this story has been bugging me for about a week now, and it wouldn't leave me alone. Even though I'd bet it won't be too popular (it destroys a fairly well accepted truth). …or too well received (it's a little disturbed at the end). Especially by the fangirls of the world (it kills off a favorite character with a "new" and unpleasant twist).

Eheh.

Oh well.

Think of this as a semi-sequel (more like a way, way afterward) to _Balance_. That just makes it easier for me to write, 'cause now things in this story have reason, if you read _Balance_ and you make the connection. Be careful; for the more astute of us, it should eliminate one possible ending to _Balance_ (which is not yet complete).

_Volatility_

The line was a short one.

Shiori and her husband had each died a few years before, and this service was for close friends only.

Being that he really had no close friends, other than the Tantei, the line was only three.

None of them had even dared look into the casket.

The first man stepped up to the shining rosewood box with shaking shoulders. His eyes were shut carefully.

"I dunno why it couldn't have been me," he said. "To lose it to the pressure, I mean. Well, I know I didn't have the reason—the _right_ to lose it the way that you had the right, and the reason, but…I wish it hadn't been you. You've got so much more to contribute to this world than I do! So many more people who count on you, who would have needed you if you'd only just stuck around a little longer.

"So… So I hate to say it, but I can't respect what you did…

"Still, I'll really miss you, Kurama."

Wiping away tears that fell from behind closed lids, Kuwabara stood from the mat and went to sit against the wall. He tried to meditate, his breathing heavy and labored.

Noble, really.

The second man stepped up and sat with his knees tucked under him and his hands held together in prayer. His eyes were shut tightly.

"I think I ought to yell at you," he said. "I mean really scream. Tell you how stupid you are and how much you should have reconsidered, how much we all hate that you did this.

"…but I can't. I bet you know it, too, that I can't bring myself to do something like that. It'd be disrespectful and all that, yeah, but I don't care! If I really wanted to, I would tear into you with everything I am. It's just that somehow, I…can't. You needed to have a reason more than the pressure, 'cause you've dealt with that all your life; you needed to know something I didn't, or you wouldn't have done this. You're not that kind of guy. I mean, I'll never know why, but you had to have a reason, and that should be good enough for me.

"It's not, though.

"I bet you know that, too.

"I'll miss you, Kurama."

Tripping slightly as he stood, Yuusuke walked over to Kuwabara with his shoulders hunched. He sat against the wall and gave up the tears he was holding back.

Heartening, really.

The third and final man stepped up and laid one knee down, pulling the other up to his chest. His eyes were shut to keep the tears away.

"I could have known it would happen one day," he said. "I could have known this would all eat away at you just a little too much, and you couldn't take it anymore, and this was the only way out. You didn't want another life, another chance. You wanted it to be over and done with. I saw it from the start.

"Or…I thought I did. Pretended. Really, I was probably as blind as everyone else, but I like to trick myself. I like to lie to myself, even, if it will give me the answer I want. If it will tell me you were okay. Because I wanted you to be all right, I wanted you to be the one I could go to when times were hard. I wanted you to be the one who would listen and never question, but take all I threw at him with a calm expression and an open heart.

"And you _were_. And I treasured that about you. And now I don't think I know what I can do, because it's all going to stop being real. I'll still yell to you, and throw all my problems in your face, and you'll still take them with gentle words and kind gazes and you'll just be all right.

"I might have loved you, you know. Kurama."

Bowing his head, Hiei stood and walked over to sit with his friends against the wall.

Vulnerable, really.

They sat in silence for long minutes.

Long minutes became longer hours.

A soft thumping was heard outside the door.

Footsteps?

At this ungodly hour, on this side of town?

Merely seconds later, Hiei stood to open the door, hand smoldering as he touched the knob.

Paranoid, he flung the door wide and gazed into the cool night.

Perfect conditions to grow plants, he realized faintly, before noticing a paper stuck under the doormat.

"Shuuichi left" was crossed out in the corner of the page, and in its place, in the younger Shuuichi's scrawl, the paper read: "Kurama left this. I thought you'd want it."

Picking it up, Hiei took it inside and set it on the ground. Its creases kept it open, and he read silently.

Blinking as he finished, he lifted his head. The other two saw his frozen expression and crawled over to read for themselves.

"Yuusuke," the letter read, "my kind-hearted friend. I hope you are always the stubborn warrior I have attempted to understand over these long years.

"Kuwabara, my noble knight. I hope you are always the naïve romantic I have come to respect over these long years.

"Hiei, my failed love. I hope you are always the wonderful bastard I lost my heart to over these long years.

"I love you all, and I thank you for your help through these trying times.

"I have only one question for you.

"Do you still love me when I'm not beautiful?"

Abandoning the letter where it lay, the three men walked slowly to the coffin, attempting to reassure themselves that a dead Kurama was still a lovely Kurama to be revered.

A black cloth, embroidered with deep red roses, lay over Kurama's face. Hesitantly, Hiei reached out and grasped it by the center. His hand remained for a moment before he tugged it off.

Death really did have the last laugh, it seemed.

Deep gashes decorated Kurama's face while his body lay preserved and stainless. A message was carved into the skin in horrible, perfectly formed words.

"No one had the courage," read the note from his forehead to his chin, "but I have beaten them all."

"What does it mean?" Yuusuke asked quietly. Kuwabara shook his head.

Hiei stood silent, his head hanging down and his eyes threatening to spill over.

Suddenly he was gone, and Yuusuke and Kuwabara were left with a long gone friend and his rotting wounds.

Rotting wounds.

They might have healed.

But the flesh was dead, and so was the soul inside of it.

They were lost causes.

A life lost was not a life gained.

And a life lost…was just something that might have been. A reminder of what once was something beautiful.

After all…

If Kurama wasn't beautiful…

What else was there?

**-**

**SUPER IMPORTANT END NOTE:**

Per interpretation of the ending lines.

I intended it to be read one of, or both of, two ways. The first is obvious. "If Kurama isn't beautiful, what else is there to believe in? My world is coming to and end." Melodramatic, yes? That's a fangirl-ish reading that I really didn't mean. The second, the one I had in mind, is also obvious if you really think about it. "If Kurama isn't beautiful _on the outside_, then what else is there to him? That can't be all there is to his character."

I normally wouldn't write a fic like this, because I know there is a _lot_ more to Kurama than his pretty face.

But I've been seeking new Yuu Yuu Hakusho fics recently and I haven't found many that don't use self-insertions or reader-insertions, or even just OCs. Those almost always pair some pretty girl or other with Hiei or Kurama, which really annoys me. Why not Kuwabara? He'd be a better boyfriend than Hiei, for sure. But wait! _He's not hot_.

Then I thought, I should write a fic about that. But I don't want to do an OC, because I like pairing Kuwabara with Yukina and I already have one of those in the works…sort of. So I should write one about Hiei or Kurama _not_ being beautiful.

_Then_ I thought, well, a lot of villains (such as Karasu) seem to want to kill Kurama, but leave his face untouched because it's so beautiful. And I never see any fic authors specifically scar Kurama's face, so what if I did that? Hell, what if I left a whole lot of scars on his face?

Hence the message carved into Kurama's face. "No one had the courage, but I have beaten them all."

Basically translated, it means "No one had the courage to harm my perfect face, but in doing it myself on my deathbed, I have the last laugh on all of them."

Hiei gets it. That's why he leaves. It's another allusion to "I might have loved you," just another of those things that makes more sense if you've read _Balance_.

In case you didn't pick it up from the mini-eulogies, Kurama did kill himself. I don't know how, and I don't really care. The point is that he killed himself because he was tired of all the pressure of his long life (for more detail, see _Balance_), but he wanted one last one-up on all the bastards who couldn't kill him first. (Yes, Kurama and the others are adults in this particular story. Shiori and Hatanaka are dead, so I'd wager that they're in their fifties or so. 'Cept Hiei, and Youko, of course, but you could guess that.)

So…eh…enjoy.

I think.


End file.
